Sunday, March 20, 2011

Second Crusader Challenge-His Golden Eyes...

And no, I don't mean Edward Cullen's golden eyes.


I've decided to postpone my Mixed-Up Monday post this week for two reasons:  I'm not currently reading anything to mix-up and I really want to post my crusade challenge. I know, gasp, not reading anything?  What can I say, the end of my WiP is in sight and I am determined to finish it by the end of this month.  It will happen.


Don't worry too much.  I'm always reading something on a blog or email or facebook.   

Anyway, for the Second Crusader Challenge we are to:

"Write a flash fiction story (in any format) in 100 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, “The goldfish bowl teetered.” 

So, in exactly 100 words, I give you His Golden Eyes.


The goldfish bowl teetered off the shelf and I froze in place. A small boy stood next to the bookcase, a sly grin on his lips. How did he get in? The store hadn't opened.


The sound of shattering glass reminded me of one thing. Gran's warning. I dropped to my knees and searched for the missing fish.   


Two seconds later, I glanced up to find a guy standing above me. His long lashes reached past golden eyes. 


"Thanks," he said, then stepped toward the door. The bell rang on his way out. 


My cell phone buzzed. It was Gran.


If you've never written a piece of flash fiction, you should. It was a great challenge and having an unusual beginning made it even better. Rach makes up the best stuff for us Crusader's! 
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38 comments:

  1. KM NalleMarch 21, 2011 at 5:52 AM

    OH! Cool. I love the twist.

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  2. Charity BradfordMarch 21, 2011 at 6:27 AM

    Lovely! Now I want to know about this escaped goldfish man, and where did the boy come from?

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  3. Matthew MacNishMarch 21, 2011 at 7:39 AM

    I'm following now, nice to meet ya!

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  4. ShariMarch 21, 2011 at 8:06 AM

    That was great! Well done. Well done.

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  5. Cherie ReichMarch 21, 2011 at 10:26 AM

    Ooo...very cool! Great job!

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  6. Louise WiseMarch 21, 2011 at 10:46 AM

    I'm not very good at writing flash fiction, but I enjoy reading it. Anyway, crusader saying hi. Hope to see you over at mine soon. Bring a bottle!

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  7. Carol RiggsMarch 21, 2011 at 12:18 PM

    Nice! the fish turned into a man with long eyelashes--I love it. Also like the Gran's warning, which adds another layer to this. :)

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  8. Michelle MerrillMarch 21, 2011 at 12:59 PM

    Thanks everyone :) One question. Did the fish turn into the man, or did the boy do something with the fish to turn into the man? Since I can't go over the 100 word limit, you'll never know. Haha.

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  9. AnonymousMarch 21, 2011 at 1:26 PM

    That was my question... what did the boy do?

    Nikki

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  10. Sierra GardnerMarch 21, 2011 at 2:04 PM

    Great story! I'm voting for the fish turning into the man. Great twist.

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  11. Margo BensonMarch 21, 2011 at 2:07 PM

    Oh, now I really liked that! I need to meet Gran..

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  12. Ben LanghinrichsMarch 21, 2011 at 2:09 PM

    Very interesting. I like this a lot. Somehow you manage to make Gran interesting even though she's not directly in the story.

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  13. CiaraMarch 21, 2011 at 2:34 PM

    This was a great challenge. Rach did a great job. Fantastic piece here, Michelle. I enjoyed it.

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  14. Brooke R. BusseMarch 21, 2011 at 3:25 PM

    See, I was thinking that the boy turned into the man. Then you all got me thinking the fish turned into the man. And then Michelle leaves that comment to confuse me. XD

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  15. Michelle MerrillMarch 21, 2011 at 3:48 PM

    Oh, I love reading all these comments.

    Brooke-I didn't mean to confuse, just give another option...I'm glad it got you thinking, though!

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  16. CherylAnne HamMarch 21, 2011 at 5:39 PM

    So many questions this story conjures. (did I just sound like Yoda??) :) I like what it does to my imagination!! Great job.

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  17. LTMMarch 21, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    oh, FUN! So was he the fish? Aquaman was always my favorite super hero... :D LOL~

    good one, Michelle! <3

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  18. MelissaMarch 21, 2011 at 7:56 PM

    I want answers to this one! I wish it was longer! haha, but good flash fiction Michelle!

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  19. TrishaMarch 21, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    I did get a bit confused between the boy and the golden-eyed guy and Gran. :P But this still made me wanna read on!

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  20. Michelle MerrillMarch 21, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    Okay, so I'm not really that mean. I'll at least tell ya what's with the boy and the fish and also the guy in my next post on Wednesday. But beyond that, well, let's just say it would have to turn into something more. Novel? Love fresh ideas :)

    Thanks everyone for your comments! Can't wait to read everyone's flash fiction.

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  21. Summer RossMarch 22, 2011 at 7:59 AM

    I'm left with so many questions! But great post for the challenge- i think you met it quite well

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  22. Amanda MilnerMarch 22, 2011 at 4:02 PM

    So. Many. Layers! Lol! I'm voting for the fish turning into the man. I had a merman in my story too;) But the boy and gran...hmm. Perplexing indeed. ☺

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  23. Susan FieldsMarch 22, 2011 at 5:58 PM

    That was great! I haven't even thought about writing my challenge yet, but I will soon!

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  24. Michelle MerrillMarch 22, 2011 at 7:37 PM

    Thanks everyone. I didn't realize when I wrote it that there would be so many questions. A few, yes...but I thought one of them was obvious. Maybe it was before I chopped out a bunch of words :) Maybe after that I was just blind to the mix-up. I'll tell ya the secret in the mornin'.

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  25. alberta rossMarch 23, 2011 at 1:26 AM

    great - and golden eyes - def. not good - shame Gran's warning was to no avail - theres mischeif afoot here!

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  26. Rachael HarrieMarch 23, 2011 at 2:08 AM

    Ooh, very intriguing. Can't wait to find out what's going on :)

    Hugs,

    Rach

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  27. Crystal CollierMarch 23, 2011 at 8:15 AM

    Very interesting. Looks like you need to write the full story now eh?

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  28. Deniz BevanMarch 23, 2011 at 8:38 AM

    Ooh, love the possibilities in this one! Are you going to do a Part Two?

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  29. UnknownMarch 23, 2011 at 8:50 AM

    What a clever entry! I'd so love to know who that little boy was. And what will Gran say? This was so much fun to read!

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  30. Michelle MerrillMarch 23, 2011 at 12:58 PM

    For those of you who'd like a little more explanation to the scene, I put it at the end of my post today.

    http://perfectingthecraft.blogspot.com/2011/03/major-decisions.html

    Thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you all enjoyed it :)

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  31. jkraus8464March 23, 2011 at 3:09 PM

    Nice job. Sounds like you can continue that into the rest of your story. Makes me want to read more!

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  32. Denise Covey March 23, 2011 at 3:14 PM

    This was a great take on the challenge. I enjoyed it. I've already read your explanation in your latest post.

    Denise<3

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  33. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 10:57 AM

    Awesome, I can't wait to find out all about it. you are very good at being intriguing.

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  34. Alison Pearce StevensMarch 24, 2011 at 12:07 PM

    I'm hooked. Who is he. Why was he a fish? Great entry!

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  35. Holly VanceMarch 24, 2011 at 2:42 PM

    The mystery is engaging. What is the man thankful for? Hmmmmmm

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  36. J.C. MartinMarch 24, 2011 at 3:51 PM

    Interesting story! And somehow Gran knows something about it...

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  37. Witless ExpositionMarch 25, 2011 at 8:56 AM

    You really have my attention now! A whole story in just a few words, but I really want to know more. Great job!

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  38. Alison MillerMarch 25, 2011 at 7:28 PM

    Great job, Michelle! I want to know who this guy is!

    PS - thanks for always stopping by my blog - I'm so glad we met through this crusade!

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Thanks so much for visiting! I appreciate your comments and feedback.

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